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Everything in life happens for a reason. GOD has a master plan for all of us. Being gay is not only going to the bars, doing drugs, having sex, working out, gossiping ,shopping, or becoming hairdressers. ( I have done it all) etc. BEING GAY IS about acceptance and self love. Willing to give yourself a chance to be loved. Taking the time to look in the mirror and loving who you see. Appreciating the Tonya's and David's in your lives. Making peace or forgiving your parents for they only want you to be happy. Putting your loved one's first for time is too short. Tossing away the anger, guilt, and the victim that you have carried for so many years. Making a difference in the lives of those younger/and older who are not quite ready to come out. Being that supportive ear and a shoulder to cry on. Not to be used as an opportunity to take advantage of someone trying to find themselves sexually. But most of all being gay is about GOD. He knew us before we were in our mothers womb and HE LOVES YOU. He wants you happy and he doesn't want you to live a lie. David involved someone in his life and had 3 beautiful children, however early on they had no father and the wife had no husband. It was painful to watch this unfold in front of my eyes as the years went on. I felt so much guilt for years thinking I broke up a family. It was just David accepting he was gay and as painful as it was we made it. Having the kids in my life now and his son living with us for 4 years as he gets ready to graduate has been a GOD given gift to me. I look at him and I remember being 18 with the whole world ahead of me. He as well as the girls have 3 sets of family. LOVE isn't that what it is all about...I now take on the role as protector, provider, and nurturer. For years I was blessed to have a relationship that had no real demands on me. I was able to travel, go for my dreams, and work on and off. No real responsibility. David gave and showed me the world. I have seen money and frankly I don't miss it. I just want him to be well, the kids to be successful, and to be able to care for him and give him the things he gave me all these years. The greatest gift he ever gave me was PEACE OF MIND. I could always count on him to take care of things.. Well know it is my turn to return the gift to him. I am now going on 32 this Halloween the same age David was when he met me. I have a whole new outlook and attitude on what it means to be gay..... I AM NOT JUST A GAY MAN I AM ONE OF GOD'S CHILDREN. I HAVE ENOUGH LOVE IN MY LIFE THAT "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER" HOW CAN I JUST SIT BACK AND NOT TRY TO SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE HOW CAN I NOT EXTEND MY HAND OUT TO HELP OTHERS. MY TIME HAS COME, BUT IT IS NOT GONE. As a long term HIV positive survivor, recovering step by step drug addict, attempted suicide, drag queen circuit diva, hairdresser, promiscuous sex, rape, the loss of so many friends most whom I came out with to aids, a highschool drop out, a chip-n- dale male dancer, International model, danced with Madonna, partied with the elite, traveled to exotic places, spent well over 3 million dollars, owned a Ferrari, talked on every talk show, just talked period, been there, done that, used it, leased it etc. and hope to LEARN from ALL OF IT. If you can relate to my road in life or if you are just coming out try to avoid it. Remember it is nice to be a leader then a follower, but if you choose to take the path many gay men do drugs, sex, and self image you will get old someday and when you are not so pretty anymore then what? You better hope you have a pretty dynamic personality and in the process attained true friends if not a companion. A very dear friend of mine you may know him Bubba "MC Nellie". Jimmy James' manager and opening act once use to say as we all moved to la in 1989. DO YOU HATE YOUR LIFE?????????????? We all use to reply Yes as a joke, but really I think we all did. I look back now and realize who are my friends and what I have to show for it. The parties only last for an evening or sometimes for days but when the last drink is drunk, the last record has been spun, the last bump of dope is gone, the trick has left the building what do you have? YOURSELF!!!!!!! That is worth something. You are never alone. It is never to late to get in touch with GOD, a higher power, Bhudda, or some form of a belief system. Whatever you do, find your center in this vast universe. Don't try to tackle life alone. God I thought left my side and I felt betrayed by Jesus. This is only because I was listening to man. I will end with this.... Are you here to impress GOD, or are you here to impress MAN? Who is more powerful? You make the decision. Happy Gay Day Let the Angels in Heaven sing praise. GOD BLESS YOU ALL, THOM P.S. once again another book for a folder...I hope you got something from this story. |