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Dear Todd... Nat'l Coming |
What a hoot this is to read again. If you want the full 411 refer to the GOD folder, for this Exodus 98 is what I speak of in my falling from grace with LIFE Church. Tom June 2003
Journey '98 NOTE: When my webmasters and I put this new homepage folder together, little did I know at the time that EXODUS (a chapter in the bible) was also the name of a conversion group for gay men and women to help rid them of living in sin. I was baptised on June 20th of this year, the day after Gay Pride. I was watching MTV news that day. They had a casting call for a show called MTV News Unfiltered. The question ironically was "Where do you find GOD, or your spirituality?" I felt once again that GOD was speaking to me so I called MTV and entered. You are given 2 minutes to tell your story and how you would film it if you were chosen. For those who don't know me I can't even say my name in 2 minutes let alone where I find God. I typed out my response, practiced and said a prayer. I called and ask GOD for his blessing and went about my business. One week later I got the first call. Jennifer was her name. I was elated. I had to tell my story in great lengths. Once again if you know me personally I have the gift of gab. Anyway they sent me the paperwork to fill out and told me to get it to them ASAP. This still however did not mean I made it. On July 7th the "JOURNEY" began and my life would be forever changed. There was this soft spoken, kind, loving, angelic voice on the other end of the phone. Her name was Jehane and she would become my segment producer. She informed me that they would be sending me a camera and I had 2 hours of tape to do my story. We ended up talking for 5 hours on the phone. Little did I know, this woman would become a friend I will cherish forever in my heart. Not to mention that JEsus is my HERO and JEhane is my friend. (Coincidence? You decide.) The camera arrives and the adventure begins. Since I am a model, I had the camera on a tripod and perfectly set up with flowers, lighting and my face painted (boy model makeup). I told my story just as I was asked to do. The tape was done in one hour. Isent it ASAP airborne express. Jehane had told me the quicker I got stuff in the better the edit. The next day she phoned me at home. She was so sweet and more or less said "Thom this is supposed to be unfiltered, it looks too perfect, too planned, too rehearsed." God bless her for that statement. I realized that this may be my story but it is about GOD. So I prayed about it and threw out my pride, ego, and instinct. I decided to risk opening my heart to the camera. I asked GOD too use me to convey his message. The next thing I knew Jehane and I were on a whirlwind of emotions, feelings of pain, joy, and honesty. I would share with people that I never thought I would have the courage to share with ortell of them about homosexuality, my parents and the day they threw me out at 16, my companion of 15 years, my homelife, my drug addictions, my suicide, my HIV status. I had done many talk shows and countless interviews, but this was different. I let GOD direct me and the things I learned and discovered was more then I could handle. I also sent raw home video footage, clips of my young days as a male dancer at 16, my doing drugs on the bathroom floor, my rebaptism with LIFE CHURCH. All of this necessary to see exactly what I had been through. To show the viewer just what hell I had lived through and how I persevered to be here alive and well today. The crazy thing was the segment was to end with me telling my story and then ending it with my rebaptism. I was wrong. Four weeks and eight hours of tape later I was spent. Living old feelings and remembering my past was emotionally very powerful but yet draining on the nerves. Right around the time I sent in my last tape, the full page ads in the Washington post, USA Today, and the NEW YORK TIMES campaign from the CHRISTIAN COALITION came out. A friend at ABC news contacted me about this and mailed them to me. I was APPALLED. Later that night I happened to be watching NIGHTLINE and Janet Folger from Ft. Lauderdale was speaking of the campaign called "Reclaiming America." I felt a chill go up my spine. This movement including Exodus (the conversion of gay and lesbians to celibacy, or marriage in heterosexual relationships) was now in my living room. I watched how the ads and she spoke on telling people the truth about homosexuality. The public was told it is like "alcoholism" and can be "cured." It is a "choice." They are cloaking the scripture in question with love, but in their hearts is only hate. I sat in awe as I heard testimonys from "ex"-gays and their new found happiness from living in sin. Eighty percent of homosexuals may be born with a "deformed" hypocampus (the gay gene) while 20 percent are "socialized" into homosexuality. Check recent Columbia University studies carried by Reuters, ABC, CBS, CNN, Associated Press, and other media. As such, the 80 percent CANNOT be reformed, the other 20 percent MIGHT BE. These people who claim they can change a GOD given gift and to "RESTORE" homosexuals to heterosexuality are profiteers taking advantage of people's desire for a sense of conformity. To keep ranting about their sin is useless (information sent to me by John and Lenn). I get volumes of email from my website concerning my feelings about GOD and JESUS. I only know what is in my heart. I commend those who may find themselves not to be homosexual and maybe their experiences in the gay community can help them find a safer place. It is between GOD and you not others to judge or to initiate fear. Shame on those who feel they need to clean up others backyards and not clean up their own first. If we are only 10 percent homosexual in the nation (I believe it is higher then that) and we are decadent, evil, sinning people that you feel you have to save, then I ask you [Christian Coalition] this.. Heterosexuals have the right to marry and it is a sacrament and a union before GOD. A HOLY SACRAMENT. Then why is it that 60 PERCENT of all marriages end in divorce? Divorce is a sin and in the bible it states you will always be an adulterer/adulteress if you are to remarry. So I ask you Christians that have divorced and remarried...are you going to hell....?? Maybe we the gay community who live in truth with ourselves when society turns their back on us and all we have is shame, fear, abandonment, hate crimes, and trying to survive in today's world should try to save YOUR souls. For GOD knows we gay men and women have suffered enough. However, you should have the right to live as you choose yet you deny us that right. Your soul can only be saved with a personal relationship with GOD. I have one and I am not out to change, fix, or to preach hate to you. That is between you and GOD. That is why I sent all the information I compiled back to MTV and they asked if I would want to tackle this with the camera and go around and speak to the religious right on homosexuality. I said YES!!! Four hours of tape later and interviews with people on the streets, catholic priests, my pastor, and others I was amazed at the response. Revisiting the same church that turned its back on me in 1983 as a confirmed Catholic boy I spoke with Father Petuski ( I did not know then.) He gave me the most glorious answer of them all. He was compassionate, loving, and understanding. Not once did he condemn me to hell. He said GOD wants us all to be happy. How we choose to live our lives is up to you and GOD. I know now why drugs, sex, and self image is so important to gay men. We feel unloved and shameful. Society dictates to us that we are immoral. Most of my friends over the years had no sense of GOD or spirituality. They did in their youth but, like me, lost faith when the world, friends, and parents turned on them.The drugs helped me escape reality, the promiscuous sex was to feel immediate love and the self image was to help me get instant acceptance.
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