SALVATION AT LAST!!!!!

With the release of Madonna's latest Cd "Ray Of Light" I felt compelled to bring all of you up to date on my new found salvation. From the beginning of my website I stated to you that HIV negative or positive I would share my story with you to become physically, emotionally and spiritually connected to what all of us are capable of in this world. Being that Madonna was a driving force in my life when I trusted no one including GOD, I started looking to her for direction. She just recently stated in an interview that and I quote "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." How we are to learn from example. She was my teacher sent by GOD. BUT, For once in my life I feel I am 3 years ahead of Madonna herself when it comes to evolving as a person.

"RAY OF LIGHT" is about her personal struggles and spirituality. In the first sentence from the first song is "I traded fame for Love." That hit me hard and made me think. Fame, money, sex, drugs, etc. are all things we think will fill that void in our lives when really it is the lack of faith in a GOD, higher power, or whatever your beliefs may be. My hero as you know Is Jesus Christ our savior.

I only refer to Madonna for she has special meaning to me in my life. Not just a fan obsession but as a teacher who taught me to be myself, go for my dreams, and most of all be an individual. I thank GOD for her work on earth everyday and how she has not only changed me but many others. However I am not into worshipping false idols anymore.

Since my last update in the "New Testament" and my first installment with the "Survival Bible" I thought it was a perfect time to fill you all in on just how I am doing. Concerning my HIV status.

This is my 15th year being HIV positive with no progression to AIDS. Some of the things I last shared with you was my hatred of protease inhibitors and how they made me ill 1 year ago. POZ magazine even talked about my stopping all my meds with the caption to my interview "It's my Party" referring to the movie as if I was trying to commit suicide. Why is that if I choose to live my life with quality not quantity that is considered irresponsible. I have been told being a role model ( a term I am not comfortable with) that I cannot just shoot my mouth off about something like meds and the importance of them.

This is my DISEASE no one else's. We are all fighting the same fight but with different opponents. No one is the same biologically, emotionally, spiritually or physically. So what works for some may not work for others. I was just giving you all my experience. To learn from and to know that you are in control of your destiny with this and you must make the choices that suit you. I am not against the studies, doctors, or what the media says I am only stating for the record if it makes you feel horrible on a consistent basis then reevaluate the situation and demand to try something different.

I did get back on my meds, however only AZT and 3TC. I have had 2 viral loads since the last update and they have been 3,500 and then to 2,000. This undetectable stuff you keep hearing about means nothing to me. Regardless if I got myself to that level it is about how I feel. I know people who were so thrilled with the undetectable reading that now after time some of them are getting sick. Now what the hell is that all about.

My T-Cell count the last 3 times have been as follows. 340, 450, and then 567. HELLO I am still here......I hate numbers and I hate games. I have been told that some people are born with great hearts, lungs, etc. I may have been given along with my companion (who is doing extremely well after 12 years on the same therapy) a strong immune system who knows. This is not me tooting my own horn and rubbing it in anyone's face. I firmly believe one of the main reasons why I am still here and healthy from AIDS is taking care of myself physically, emotionaly and spiritually and most of all not re-exposing myself to the virus. SAFE SEX is no lie so for all you "barebackers" I only wish you well and hope you reconsider before you get the news of testing positive....

Now for the drawbacks. Being HIV positive for 15 years regardless of not showing signs of AIDS or any opportunistic infections I am a chronic HIV case. My body is constantly fighting this disease like a cold or flu. I have noticed in the last year that I can tire out easily, and my sleep patterns have changed to 10 and sometimes even 12 hours. I started medical testorone therapy. 1cc every two weeks intramuscular and it is helping me but it is not perfect. It really bothers me and I had to remind my parents who thought that I at 31 was wasting my life and being lazy. They wanted to see me up and running around, getting out more. I told them that reality is my body is tired and so it should be it is under constant attack.

Physically I have been able to keep my body in shape and that has allot to do with keeping you healthy. Weightlifting is not the only thing you can do to keep you healthy any form of exercise and good eating habits also work just as well if not better especially since last august 97 I slipped a disk in my neck and recovered however, I have a chronic condition that makes me have to rethink my body image and weightlifting. This year I plan on trying new things such as yoga and if my pecs are not as big or my body fat is not what it use to be that is OK I AM STILL THOM INSIDE, and if people don't like it they were not friends or supporters in the first place.

Body image is so important in the gay and straight communities but especially the GAY WORLD. It took my accident to realize that I am very blessed to have been able to compete in such a superficial world when sometimes it saddens me to think that if you do not look a certain way people won't give you the time of day. How sad that is when some of the most incredible people I have met don't meet the gay community standards of the "BODY BEAUTIFUL"

If you look back in the 70's the role playing of cowboys, leather, drag, and muscle was a sort of roleplaying. Now it seems that most of this generation is obessessed with a huge body and masculinity that is usually hard for most to pull off for once they open their mouths it is "HI GIRL." I cannot tell you how many gorgeous men physically I have met and they are as nellie as they come. Petticoats and Bows just popping out of their mouths. I guess that is why I went against the "norm" and threw myself into clowning around in drag so I could be more approachable to others that in some ways would be intimidated to talk to me. I have always said my soul is far more attractive get to know me on the inside not the outside.

Most of you who have met me have your decison's made on just what to think of me good or bad. The ones I have met online and not in person you have gotten to know the true essence of who I really am. I am not the full-time messy crazed party boy everyone thinks I am. Who cares, I am only out to impress one person and that is GOD above

I am very flattered, humbled, and grateful for the thousands of letters I have gotten via e-mail and the post office. Gifts, Poems, and bibles have not gone unoticed. That is why the internet is so amazing for you can start dialogue with others regardless of race, look, or religion. I am a witness to all the love, friendships and prayers I have received. We are all have a purpose in life it is up to you to search for yours.

I am only one with so many others involved with this disease and if I died tommorow:

GOD BLESS YOU FOR CARING AND SUPPORTING ME THROUGH THIS TIME IN MY LIFE. IF I WAS A HELP TO YOU IN ANYWAY FROM CARE TO COMFORT I APPLAUD YOU FOR KEEPING UP THE FIGHT. WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!!!!

THOM COLLINS

I have been able to work out of my home with AIDS education via the internet, working for PLANET OUT (handle name PNO Thom) on AOL in which I have my own keyword: PNOHIV, the foundation OPEN YOUR HEART, and appearing 4 to 6 times a year at special events. However it takes all of my being to pull it off. I have a very blessed administrator who took over my position at Open Your Heart and I thank GOD for him and his hard work everyday.

SUPPORT is probably the most important thing to someone who has just tested or to a long-tern survivor. If you have good family, friends, doctors, or in my case a great church. I have been very fortunate to have all these things, but if one or all did not support me and gave off negative energy I would move on because GOD is the ultimate to me and he listens like nobody else can.

I came to a realization this last year during financial problems that the only things that meant anything to me was this. GOD, Family, friends, and my health. I put that before travel, gifts and trinkets, drugs, fame, etc. When it is all said and done I have lived a great life and it has been a wonderful journey I just wish I didn't grow up so fast. I went from 16 to 25 overnight. Losing sight of the young boy with a strong faith. So for you young gay men and women please enjoy being a kid and young adult because you can never recapture that. The Bars, Parties, and Travel will always be available to you if you choose to go that route. Look at Michael Jackson he is trying to buy his childhood and it is not working.

I chose to not do AIDS walk Miami this year because my sister gave birth to my niece. I have 2 nephews and love them dearly. Putting anything over family is something I have been guilty of and I never want to go their again. David my companion has been so patient, moving with me and helping me achieve my dreams keeping me generated with love so that my star would shine bright. This is his time now. I owe it to him and want to spend time with my family here in Oklahoma getting old together and watching his kids grow-up. You can't replace that. Miami will always be there and I hope I do not have to go back for an AIDS walk I pray that we are getting closer to killing this monster.

My younger sister is my angel and growing up she has always been a HUGE part of my life. She even lived with me in LA for a year. We would have these talks about how I never got to graduate, get married, or have kids of my own. I thought part of these things was what defined you as a human being. I was wrong.

I am married for almost 15 years now regardless of what society or anyone thinks David is my life and soulmate. As for graduation I got a degree in Beauty school...Ha Ha.. Even though David's son has lived with us for 3 years now and is getting ready to turn 18 I have watched all 3 of his children grow and his 2 girls become young ladies. How I love to dress them up for their dances and proms... a true "mom" at heart. I love them as they love me.

My life changed on Feb. 7th at 3:21 in the morning. My sister gave birth. She always new how much I wanted to be able to expeiernce the birth of a child. Both her and her husband to be invited me in on this very special moment. Watching my little niece come into the world made me realize what the secret of life is....

THE BEGINNING OF NEW LIFE AND PLAYING A POSITIVE ROLE BY BEING THERE TO LOVE AND SUPPORT THAT LIFE.

I cannot tell you the feeling I felt or the surroundings of just how surreal it was. It was like a sneak peek into heaven. The lights were so bright and above my sister's head she told me just as my niece was to be born to go look. It was amazing to see this young little baby open it's eyes as it came out into the world and then cried. It was very ironic to me at that moment. The baby was at peace inside the womb but the minute it came into the world the first thing she did like all babies is cry....It took over my emotion for it was like a sign from GOD that the world is a scary place and she like all of us in the very beginning are born with innocence and to cry out was from fear of the unknown.

I have my own adopted baby. My monkey Rolex is going on 2 years now and is almost 6 lbs. I raised him since he was 2 weeks old so for those of you who want to know. More pics to come on my personal photo album. You can learn about Rolex on his website on my homepage.

"Life is a journey, not a destination." I am the epitome of a long journey that has still not ended yet. 100 miles does not seem that far unless you are away from the ones you love. From a young teenage gay man, relationship, kids, drug abuse, HIV, suicide, fame, fortune, travel, rape, etc. the list could go on for hours. I take the good with the bad learning from every experience so that I can evolve into what GOD expects of me.

I was raised a strict catholic as I have said many times and my new faith in GOD and my hero JESUS just make's my life even more worthwhile. I am thankful to have finally found a home to praise him here in Oklahoma. My church called Life church was a huge milestone in my life. To feel welcome with open arms within the congregation put my whole life back on track and was the missing piece to my puzzle. This church does not discriminate and I chose not to seek a gay church for I feel we all are equal in God's eyes.

I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to find that source deep within your soul to help you celebrate the good times and help you through the bad ones too.

As a Christian once said "Its a fallacy to believe that if we obey GOD, EVERYTHING WILL GO WELL. BEING DEDICATED TO GOD MEANS GOING WITH HIM EVEN WHEN THINGS GO WRONG.

CONSIDER YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS AND GOALS. DO YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE FROM GOD WHEN THEY FLOURISH BUT QUESTION THEM WHEN THEY LEAD TO DIFFICULTIES? DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE FALLACY THAT LIFE WILL BE EASY IF YOU OBEY GOD. GOD DOESN'T REMOVE DIFFICULTIES; HE USES THEM FOR YOUR GOOD AND FOR HIS GLORY.

I am not a religious person preaching to you on being born again. I am a very spiritual person and I know that GOD loves me and he loves you too. You can read more about my feelings on this in the "GOD" folder on my homepage.