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New Testament |
NEW TESTAMENT 1996 to May of 1997......... Once again doing what THOM wanted, I stopped taking all my medications, some of which I had been on since 1989. Of course my family, friends, companion, doctors all freaking out. (Especially because of the protease inhibitor.) STEADFAST, with it is my life! I will live it to the fullest and if I die from HIV/AIDS, at least I lived my way. In other words, I have had a hell of time and if it is over, it is over! (MY WAY, OF COURSE.) It sounds drastic and crazy. It was, and to many very, very stupid. This disease is so crazy I still don't think anyone really knows what it is all about. First it is the T cells then, it is the Viral Load. Hell, doesn't how you feel count? I fight by nature. I will not sit around waiting to die. Hearing stories about cancer patients enduring chemotherapy to stay alive. It all was becoming too much for me. It might have seemed selfish or immature. This was my decision and at that time I was determined to stick to it. I did have the luxury of insurance and resources for medical care. So, I asked my physician to continue to monitor my health through physical examinations and blood work. DECEMBER 96.......I FEEL GREAT. MY BODY WAS BACK IN TUNE WITH THE HUM OF THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE AROUND. I had been off my medications for almost one whole month. My T cell count was up to 450 and my Viral Load down to 1260. WOW! I thought I was something special! I started back at the gym, did an interview with POZ magazine. Spreading the news of my new found health. Of course, emphasizing I don't suggest a drug holiday to anyone. Reminding people that once you begin taking a protease inhibitor there is evidence stopping could limit future benefits, etc., etc. Looking forward to a great Christmas and New Year...... JANUARY 97.......OOPS!.....I never felt better physically, or emotionally. It was time to test my blood again. DAMN my T cell count was 340, but my viral load went to 15,000. (That was a heck of a jump compared to my previous tests.) I caved. My family said enough, and pleaded with me to start medications again. Advising me I had been playing with fire. I prayed, thought and decided I would start some form of medication regimen. Agreeing with AZT and 3TC. Refusing any form of a protease inhibitor. MARCH 97........T CELL COUNT 370 AND VIRAL LOAD 3,000? I feel good. I went back to work. (Some of you might have noticed me romping around South Beach for the AIDS walk.) Not too mention my quiet performance at Salvation!! GOD GAVE ME BACK MY ENERGY AND LIFE. I WAS ONCE AGAIN IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. So I prepared for PALM SPRINGS EASTER WEEKEND. Three weeks before leaving for Palm Springs, I was scheduled for that good old blood work. APRIL FOOLS DAY 97........I am in palm springs. Just completed one of the most incredible, spiritual, and happy times of my life and career with thousands of loving gay men and feeling the energy from all directions, (by the way this is the best circuit event around), then my companion called me on Monday morning to give me my lab results. My viral load was down to 490 and my T cell count was up to 670. WHAT HAVE I LEARNED ??? LIFE IS FULL OF RISKS. ALL OF US ENTER THE UNKNOWN WITH ALMOST EVERY MOVE WE MAKE EACH DAY. NONE OF US ARE INVINCIBLE. I TRY TO BE OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT EVERY THING IN MY LIFE. I DO NOT KNOW IF WHAT I DID REGARDING MY MEDICATIONS WAS GOOD OR BAD FOR ME IN THE LONG RUN. THE DECISIONS WE MAKE REGARDING THIS DISEASE SHOULD, IN MY OPINION, BE BASED ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL FEELINGS, THE BEST MEDICAL ADVICE AVAILABLE, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS AND LIFE PARTNER IF YOU HAVE ONE. FOLLOW YOUR OWN INSTINCTS, BE WILLING TO CHANGE AND ADMIT TO MISTAKES. MOST IMPORTANTLY, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND THE CHOICES YOU MAKE. GOD BLESS, THOM COLLINS |