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This letter you are about to read is my response to PETER MCQUAID who wrote an article called "CIRCUIT QUEEN FOR A DAY" in AUGUST'S ISSUE of OUT MAGAZINE with K.D. LANG on the cover. I emplore you to read it as well to draw your own conclusions about what "CIRCUIT LIFE" is all about. My point of view you may or may not agree with just as you may or may not agree with Mr. MCQUAID'S. No one has ever said MIZZ COLLINS was never fair..... Dear Peter,After two weeks of hearing about your article "CIRCUIT QUEEN FOR A DAY" via the Internet, numerous phone calls, etc. giving me the designation as "CIRCUIT ROYALTY", I had to read it for myself. How to get a copy? This is Oklahoma. Well, instead of hopping in my car and driving 23 miles to get a copy, (this must be the time to subscribe to your magazine), lucky me, during my E-mail perusal, low and behold, a person from ABC news was trying to contact me about an interview. An interview about "the circuit" and my "in your face attitude and honesty" regarding my perception of what is going on. Saving myself that 23 mile drive, I requested my E-mailer from ABC to fax the article identifying me as "CIRCUIT ROYALTY". Since receiving my unauthorized faxed copy of your article, read now three or is it ten times, I must respond. My hands are trembling typing with a fear hard to describe. Who might I offend? Wait, this is Thom Collins, that in your face guy! So screw the sugar coating! Since your magazine refereed to me as "CIRCUIT ROYALTY". Dare I assume royalty can only mean a compliment? Or is this a different royalty, as in the "highest" of those in low places or the lowest of those in "high" places? I am having a time this compliment/ insult you have provided me with. Your article does hit home and is true to form, at least on an aspect of "the circuit". OUT and ABOUT since 15, all of 30 now. Simple math, I have been doing "the circuit" in one way or another for 15 years now. (Since to me "the circuit" has many faces.) I will have to search back a few years. Oh yeah! For me "the circuit" started with R.S.V.P. cruises in the 80's, then came Palm Springs White Party, Hotlanta, Meldtdown, White Party South Beach, Gay Pride. (Well gay pride did start even before "Circuit Royalty" like myself.) Gay Pride and "out of the closet", whether you wanted to be or not, someone decided it would be good for you and the rest of the World, right? Viewing myself as messy, humorous, obnoxious, overdosed, suicidal (including a trip to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit), overexposed, inspirational, motivational, intellectual, exhibitionist, dance to the beat of the tom-toms!! What more could any human being want to experience? (Somewhere while having all this fun......HIV!?) The "circuit" has changed. What started for me as a group of about 800 in Palm Springs dancing, laughing, bonding, making new friends, and yes drugging, appears to have a new face. (Still questioning in my own mind is this really something "new" or is it just "out".) Reminiscent of the 60's Haight-Ashbury free love, peace, and drugs. Have these events cycled to the GHS, otherwise known as the "Gay Hippie Syndrome". Heteros of the 60's would save all their money to follow the "GRATEFUL DEAD", gays save to follow the circuit and all to often emulate are hetero brothers of the 60's to become the near GAYLY DEAD. No longer can I stay up tweaked until the last beat of the music, three days going, or more. Not any longer....is it my old age of 30 or the 15 of that OUT! While I may be no Saint, I am "Royalty", or so I am now told. Judging no individual for their choices, however, a bit wiser for my experiences......some call it age, I am learning from my experiences, both past and current. Your article commented about the "rude" awakening that Tony felt after his overdose. While Tony states he has outgrown it (The Circuit?), there are no absolutes regarding his commitment to "never" return. Frankly this is a wise statement. It certainly doesn't set him up for some form of failure. In my opinion, this may validate the many aspects to these "events" other than some of the obvious negatives. Point is, every individual has to find their own comfort level at these or any event or grouping of people. I spoke to my companion (whom I have been with for 14 years) about your article and he laughed because he feels that he would be one of those outside the door of the underwear parties. How sad that is. I told him he would hate what the circuit has become for many. We used to go together and be with a group of friends, we would party like everyone else, and have really good times. The type of life experiences that years later are recalled and enjoyed as the "......remember when.........", etc. Around the third year our personal "little clique" would try to achieve that high from the first time. However, like most things in life, the first few experiences are usually the best. Normally you would think a gathering of friends would not have a diminishment of enjoyment, rather shouldn't it grow? Perhaps many of us have lost the meaning of what the driving force of these "events" to allow people to socialize and be OUT! Your article appropriately comments on is the drive for feelings searched for during those "first times". Admittedly my clique, companion and friends, suffered from this same phenomenon. What is the problem? What did we think we had that is now lost? Working the events getting really tired of being called SLOPPY, I got a grip. My idea of a GRIP may be a totally different idea to others of what a GRIP is. I enjoy these events more then ever. The productions are in fabulous locations, headlining entertainment, with some of the most beautiful men (people) from around the world. Many friendships form, not just one night stands, and not everyone is at a sex party. I understand your vision of what you experienced but you CHOSE to go that way. I have seen those exact visions, vacant looks on peoples faces, the smell of sex in a crowded hotel room, the empty bottles of cocaine and ketamine around the floor, the overdoses, the pretty boys who aren't so pretty now. UNSAFE SEX, worse because the dangers are now known! THE CONCEPT THAT COCKTAIL THERAPY WITH PROTEASE INHIBITORS validates exposing yourself and even worse others to the deadly virus? THIS IS INSANITY! Boy are those people in for a rude awakening. I don't even take them and I am still here 14 years later, but that is another story. What I am trying to explain is if you go to these events with only the idea of how many people you will lay and how many drugs you will ingest it will catch up to you. My advice, to those who care is this. First and foremost YOU are in the drivers seat. What you CHOOSE to do will affect YOU and OTHERS. If you screw up and run of the road YOU will affect the people around you. YOU are in control of your own destiny and the outcome of your actions. (We are NOT absolved of our actions because we are participating in a circuit event.) If YOU decide to stay up for three days and find out you can no longer take a piss because YOU are so dehydrated, too bad. If drugs and alcohol are put in front of you and you choose to use try not to abuse. If you have no control, and you know you'll land places you do not want to be, do not use or abuse. Do not feel you have to use or do everything. YOU decide. Be a LEADER not a FOLLOWER you will have the time of your life. (You might even save a friend.) Just because everyone else is doing something does not mean YOU have to take the down ramp with them. I am asleep by 3:00 AM......don't laugh, I know "it's still early". My reason? So I am able to enjoy the next day and the next event. I admit I am a slave to the whole stereotypical BODY BOY thing. It is a shame that some homosexuals do not accept anyone unless they have <3 percent body fat. For all of you "body boys" out there who put all your emphasis on how you look, GOD bless you when you get older. Take a little more pride in your personality, what you have to offer in conversation than you do in your tan or the size of your pecs. I no longer slave at the gym that weekend, Hell I am on vacation. I do however eat two boxes of Met-rx bars that weekend and then pig-out with my best friends when the weekend has come to a close. Working out during these events is such a joke to me. What does that extra pump do, nothing because the person usually does not get the proper rest or eat right for muscle growth, hence the steroid issue. I recently started medically prescribed testosterone therapy for my HIV issues. My testosterone levels had dropped putting me into mood swings as well as depression. The testosterone therapy has made a real difference in my life. I am upset to think that your perception of steroids is that they are used only as a BEAUTY TOOL. Yes, I know people abuse them. However, for some people they help provide a better quality of life. These past three years these gatherings (events) have been spiritual for me. I feel I have grown from the good and bad experiences. I said it in GENRE and I will say it again. Gays give off so much positive energy fucked up or not when we feel free. When the music is right, the friends are right, it becomes a magical experience. If you think it is only drugs, you cannot have had the sober experiences I have. Frankly, I have had it both ways. In many religions peyote, plants containing hallucinogenic properties, etc.
are used to heighten their spiritual awareness. I do not need drugs to feel
the presence of GOD or to others a higher power. I am comfortable with my
spirituality and when I have "elevated my mood" at these events I am praising,
thanking, remembering, and enjoying the moment. Not once forgetting that this
is not a permanent reality, my feelings are strong, powerful, and loving.
For some it may be a sign of insecurity they need to get tweaked in order
to fit in. The ambiance of the party, the sun hitting the mountains pool side,
the friends, the laughter, the tears, the whole package. I am a GAY man trying
to do the right thing. Fighting AIDS issues, gay rights, relationships, etc.
With all of the pressures in the world, it is nice to have "THE CIRCUIT" as
an option for escape. The fact that I have attracted your attention, whether in a negative or positive manner, indicates some notice has been taken. If Thom Collins is noticed, then the message I attempt to convey 24 hrs. of each and every day cannot go unnoticed. From the bottom of my soul, and all that I am, HIVand AIDS has not past or been resolved. For this I thank you. So, what do you say? Next time you want to go. Let me show you another side of the CIRCUIT that is alive and well. YOU just have to know where to look.. GOD BLESS YOU, THOM COLLINS |
QUEEN
OF THE CIRCUIT